Well, today was a rough one. Yesterday was actually really good - I even made it through the ENTIRE day without crying one time! But today was a different story. I had a hard time getting around for work, and then found myself crying in between every visit all day. I was driving to Manor Care to see some patients, and could not stop crying; had to pull myself together b/c I haven't seen enough patients this week and won't meet my productivity requirement if I didn't step it up today. I didn't even stop in to say hi to my friends working in our inpatient unit at Manor Care, because I knew I would just burst into tears as soon as they asked me how I was doing! I know it was because I was having my 2-week f/u appt with my OB/GYN this afternoon, but still I couldn't stop crying. Ugh!
I felt much better after the appointment. Dr. Bernard took a lot of time with me, answered my questions, spent a lot of time discussing my concerns, etc. Not once did I feel like he was rushing me or didn't have time for me. After talking about my medical history and everything, he felt convinced that I have something called Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which is sort of a complicated problem. It affects a lot of things, but mostly all of the various hormones in our bodies. One of the main problems is it causes insulin resistance, which in turn can lead to an excess of male hormones in the body, which can prevent ovulation. Obviously this contributes to difficulty getting pregnant. But more importantly, the insulin resistance can lead to obesity, high cholesterol (both of which I already have), diabetes, and heart disease. So it's important to treat it. He started me on Glucophage (aka metformin), and said that quite often, this medicine alone is enough to straighten out the hormones and may regulate my cycle. It is a medication that helps control insulin and blood sugar. As a side benefit, with healthy eating and excercise, he said it may also help me lose weight. That would be wonderful!
If after a month or two on the medication, if my cycle is still not regular and I'm still not ovulating, he will start me on Clomid, which is supposed to help with ovulation. We are not supposed to start trying to conceive again until February at the earliest. I go back to see him on February 28. I felt really good about his plan for us, and I feel like he's committed to helping us get pregnant again and will do everything possible to make it a good pregnancy when it does happen.
I listened to a song today that helped get me through - here are the words:
I call, you hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more than I can bear
I feel so empty
You're strong, I'm weary
I'm holding on,
But I feel like giving in
But still you're with me
And even though I'm walkin' through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand
Of Him whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
I know I'm broken
But you alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You're always with me
And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But you said you'd see me through the storm
I do believe that - He is all the strength I will ever need. His grace is sufficient for me.